BOOZY Santa sets a bad example to kids, experts warn today

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2775076/...

Are the experts going to over eat & drink to much, me thinks they will!

Hypocrite's! Not exactly the Xmas spirit!

WANTED!

1 JOB IN FARNHAM OR SURROUNDING AREA!

I'm on Incapacity Benefits & have been for over 4 yrs due to Health problems. 18 months ago I had an operation to fix the problem & my health have been improving in leaps & bounds!


So I am now looking for a part time job of up to 16hrs a week as part of the Pathways to Work scheme. So that I can gradually go to work as my health keeps improving & then go full time! Unfortunately the scheme has been out sourced by Job Center Plus & the companies they use have failed to help me over the last few months.


So if any Company in the Farnham can help me, please get in contact with me! I will be happy to forward my CV with further information they require.


I use & am familiar with PC's including basic knowledge on networking, website building, office packages & upgrading parts. Qualified in AutoCAD & was doing CAD work up to 4 yrs ago. I have basic knowledge in Electrics, Woodwork & Plumbing & good at DIY.


Due to my health I am looking in work where I am able to stand & sit for short periods of time. Carrying & lifting is limited at the moment, but would improve over time as health improves. I don't have a driving license, so local work would be more suitable.


Thankyou for reading & I hope I hear from some companies soon!


I have now moved to Essex & no longer looking for a job in this field as its not secure enough & I'm outdated in the software, but thanks for reading.

Lion & Lamb Entrance dilemma!

As a resident of Farnham or if you have visited, you no doubt seen the problems they are having with the wooden block pathway at the main entrance of the Lion & Lamb. See the link below to my pic I took this morning:



Anyway for a few months it was replaced with this god awful plywood & then was recently repaired & did look very good. That was until this morning!

Now I aint no expert, but even I can see where they are probably going wrong. The blocks are softwood with a treated surface on top. Now if I remember correctly, softwood swells when wet which is why we have to varnish or water protect it in some way. Now these blocks don’t look like they have been treated in any way at all.

So why don’t they use hardwood which is better suited for this or treat the blocks before laying if softwood? Yes it means it will cost more in the initial work carried out. But how much is it costing each time it gets relayed with new softwood version.

Who ends up paying the costs? Landlord of the site, who then adds the cost to the shops & the shops then add it to the cost of the goods which we pay for?

Also is a waste of a natural resource, all those trees wasted just coz they cant do it right! If wood wont work for them, why not go for the cobbles to match the rest of the site?

Where has the Lion & Lamb statue gone?

Those in Farnham or who have been there, will probably know the Lion & Lamb Yard with its shops & a Lion & Lamb statue. Well I was there today & its gone. No signs to say why, so does anyone know?

Walking stick free (well almost)

If any of you might have noticed from the status, I'm now starting to walk w/o any use of sticks. Its been 16 months since my operation & a long slow but steady slog to get there. And my partner Jules took a sneak video clip of me during our walk in Highwoods in Colchester. I was taking some pics at the time & enjoying walking w/o a stick even tho I have a folding one hanging on my side in case I need one.



So far so good I havent used it, tho I know there be times where I will as its tiring work!
As for cycling, well gotta work on that one still. I rode my bike once & knee was in pain for weeks. So think I'm gonna be working on the that for a bit before I go to far. But just like my walking, I'm getting there!

Back on the road again after 18yrs! :D

If you havent seen, go have a look at my latest pics & video.

Its of me taking my 1st go on my new bike, been 18 yrs since I was last able to ride one.

Just another step on my recovery for my leg! Cant wait to be riding it more often & build up my muscles & improve my balance even more.

Leg Update

As many already know, January 2008 I had an operation on my leg that will change my life forever. And over the past year I've been doing physio & excersises at home to rebuild my leg muscles & strength all round as well as trying to walk again.

Well after 12 months of hard work & loads of support from my darling Jules with her magic hands massaging my aches away as well as family helping out with things I couldnt do. I'm practically there! I was hoping all to be done by December 2008, but it proved to have been an more invasive operation, so for the 1st few months is was no more than dead weight i dragged around whilst on crutches.

2008 has definately been a turning point in my life, its been hard & well worth it. For now I am trying to go to the Gym to work on improving my leg strength, improving my balance. Hobling around the flat, almost walking without the stick & trying to get a bicycle for when I'm ready.

So whats next? Well I am going to look at going back to work after some retraining curtesy of the Job Center in a month or 2. My flat is on the net to try swap it with someone who wants to move to Surrey from Essex so I can live closer to my beloved (hoping it dont take to long). As well as getting the flat finished painted (doing kitchen atm) so it looks all nice for the swap! Cycle alot more often than I did 18 yrs ago! You dont appreciate things as much until you loose it, now I'm getting my legs back I sure want to make the most of it!!

So here's to 2009, where the changes keep on coming! And thankyou all for your encouragements & especially to Jules, she's had to put up with the most of it!! Love her so much!!!! xxxxx

Now theres a good excuse for all us guys to ask our girls to swallow! Good for thier health! ;)

Study: Fellatio may significantly decrease the risk of breast cancer in women

CNN.com Thursday, October 2, 2003 Posted: 9:19 AM EDT (1319 GMT)

(AP) -- Women who perform the act of fellatio and swallow semen on a regular basis, one to two times a week, may reduce their risk of breast cancer by up to 40 percent, a North Carolina State University study found.
Doctors had never suspected a link between the act of fellatio and breast cancer, but new research being performed at North Carolina State University is starting to suggest that there could be an important link between the two.
In a study of over 15,000 women suspected of having performed regular fellatio and swallowed the ejaculatory fluid, over the past ten years, the researchers found that those actually having performed the act regularly, one to two times a week, had a lower occurance of breast cancer than those who had not. There was no increased risk, however, for those who did not regularly perform.
"I think it removes the last shade of doubt that fellatio is actually a healthy act," said Dr. A.J. Kramer of Johns Hopkins School of Medicine, who was not involved in the research. "I am surprised by these findings, but am also excited that the researchers may have discovered a relatively easy way to lower the occurance of breast cancer in women."
The University researchers stressed that, though breast cancer is relatively uncommon, any steps taken to reduce the risk would be a wise decision.
"Only with regular occurance will your chances be reduced, so I encourage all women out there to make fellatio an important part of their daily routine," said Dr. Helena Shifteer, one of the researchers at the University. "Since the emergence of the research, I try to fellate at least once every other night to reduce my chances."
The study is reported in Friday's Journal of Medical Research.
In 1991, 43,582 women died of breast cancer, as reported by the National Cancer Institute.
Dr. Len Lictepeen, deputy chief medical officer for the American Cancer Society, said women should not overlook or "play down" these findings.
"This will hopefully change women's practice and patterns, resulting in a severe drop in the future number of cases," Lictepeen said.
Sooner said the research shows no increase in the risk of breast cancer in those who are, for whatever reason, not able to fellate regularly.
"There's definitely fertile ground for more research. Many have stepped forward to volunteer for related research now in the planning stages," he said.
Almost every woman is, at some point, going to perform the act of fellatio, but it is the frequency at which this event occurs that makes the difference, say researchers. Also key seems to be the protein and enzyme count in the semen, but researchers are again waiting for more test data.
The reasearch consisted of two groups, 6,246 women ages 25 to 45 who had performed fellatio and swallowed on a regular basis over the past five to ten years, and 9,728 women who had not or did not swallow. The group of women who had performed and swallowed had a breast cancer rate of 1.9 percent and the group who had not had a breast cancer rate of 10.4 percent.
"The findings do suggest that there are other causes for breast cancer besides the absence of regular fellatio," Shafteer said. "It's a cause, not THE cause."

RIP Skip 27/05/94 - 03/09/08

I had to let Skip pass away due to failing health.

He will be missed badly by many as he was not only a good friend for me & my cats, but also loved by many others! I know I will miss him loads!

Farewell my old friend! Sleep peacefully now!

My Bone Cyst Op’

As I've have said before, I've got a Bone Cyst in my Femur & needed an operation. Well 2 weeks ago I had the op & its been a slow long slog getting back to being myself.

Well they have cut out the Cyst, took bone off my Pelvic area as a bone graph but from the front, which surprised me as its a more tender area. With this bone sample, they mashed up & injected back into where they removed the Cyst. Then put a bracket into the ball joint & along the femur to hold the bone together.

The Op was done in the morning & I awoke 10 hrs later as they had trouble waking me! Should've told them I sleep like the dead as it is! lol

Staff were very friendly & food was pretty good, considering its a hospital, unfortunately the op was more envasive than expected & it was a week before I could get out. Didnt help that a couple days after I suffered chest pains (which was later diagnosed as stomach cramp) then internal bleeding where the bone gragh was taken (from blood thinners given for the chest pains as they thought I was having a clot in the heart or lungs at the time of the chest pains & docs being cautious!), had to be knocked out with Morphine after 2 hrs of excructiating pain!

Well now I'm home & have been for a week now. Staples were taken out today & i'm slowly getting the use of my leg. 1st week was like having a dead weight instead of a leg! lol Now I can just move it, bend knee 45 degrees & lift it an 1" off the ground. As you probably can guess I'm on crutches until my leg is all healed & fully functioning. Physio starts in 3 weeks once all is fully healed!

Now I like to thank my darling Jules for her support in all this, she's been looking after my dog during all this & is spoiling him rotten. Thanks for being there at the weekend after the op & visited me at every moment possible til she had to go back home. Also thanks for making my place nice & tidy for when I get home, big hugs are waiting for you!!! And thanks for being there to talk to, giving me praise & support!! It helped alot!

Also thanks to Tori for helping look after me the 1st weekend & my Mum for the rest of the week, she's been cooking a pile of meals for me & making sure I have everything handy & just have to reheat my meals from the freezer.

Also Jules is coming down & now doubt gonna bully me into letting her help me! lol

At least this time I can thank her personally when she's down!

Its been a hard few weeks, but with their help now & in the future I will make a full slow recovery. It will be a hard slog, but with all the support I'll get through it!

3 steps forward & 2 steps back! (Update)

Well if you dont know by now or read earlier blog, I have a problem with my left hip & have done for over 18 months. This is on top of a disability I have had with left leg for well over 15 yrs.
I went to see Specialist after he tried over a month before an injection to relieve the problem which wore off 2hrs later. Even tho' injection wore off, it was a success. Well at least to the specialist, as it has now shown roughly what is wrong. Specialist told me its 1 of 2 things! 1st it's a lump on the ball part of the hip socket or 2nd, a tight muscle attached to the socket so it's in tension & overstretching when moving. This is great to me as they now know what to look for, now the bad bit! They wanted to do a 3D scan of the ball socket, then send me to another specialist who an expert on both problems.

Well they had done a 3D scan of the ball socket & sent me to another specialist who is an expert. This Specialist was then to decide on how to go about fixing the prob. But once I got there to see this Specialist, it all changed!
The Specialist has reviewed my scan & wanted me to have an X-ray there & then, so I did. When I saw him again, he decided that the problem isn't my hip but a Bone Cyst. Now this was dismissed 2 yrs back coz it was small. But now been told its grown & still growing & is across more than 1/2 of the cross section of the bone. Thus the pain & left untouched the bone will snap!
So I went into Hospital few weeks later for an injection to kill it & shrink it. The injection didnt work, so now its the operation!
They are going to cut out the Cyst, take bone off my Pelvic area as a bone graph which they mash up & inject back into where they removed the Cyst. And because of this, theres not much to hold me up in this cross section (25%). So they have to pin the bone together to stop it just snapping!
Completely threw me at the time, not what I was expecting! But now I had time to think, I just need to get on with it & let them do whats needed! I cant leave it be for it will get worse & break. But I am kinda reluctant to the idea of the op & bone graph!
Now as you can understand I'm not to happy with this news, coz until its sorted my leg is not only in pain but can snap with any force against it (No Jumping!) lol.

UPDATE

Well Xmas is coming up & I now have a date for Op'.
Its in January & I'm in a slight flap preparing for not only for Xmas but the op too! Apprehensive atm too, biggest op i've had too!
But if you look at the pic in the Picture Album named Cyst, I've circled the cyst & you can see why it needs to be done!

Well I’ve finally done it!!!

Well I've done it, I finally got my 1st Tattoo!!!

Now to answer those questions as to how it felt, yes it does hurt.

But not much, more like a slight discomfort that after an hour you be glad to finish! lol

If you want a look, its in my picture abum

If you were wondering where its from, Jules designed & paid for it for my Birthday & I love it!

EU do have a sense of Humour!

If you cant see it, heres the link! This is an actual EU advert thats been discusssed if appropriate for the EU & has been agreed it is as theres not been any complaints! I wonder why? lol

http://youtube.com/watch?v=SpXVOE1n-MY

Waitrose shops for next generation of customers

OH Please! Supermarkets are now following the trend of Myspace & others like it! Read below! Cant they think up something new than copy other??

Retailer's web site revamp will include social networking tools

Supermarket chain Waitrose is planning to add social networking functions to its web site to allow shoppers to swap recipes and chat on message boards.

The retailer wants to encourage the one million people that visit its web site each month to debate topics such as organic food and to trade culinary tips.

Users will also be able to upload recipes and pictures with their homemade dishes as part of the £1m revamp of the web site.

The Food Forum will allow users to discuss important food topics such as maximising seasonal produce to turning an existing recipe into a signature dish, says a Waitrose spokeswoman.

'Those keen to access step-by-step video demonstrations on how to improve skills and techniques will also be able to do so at the click of a mouse,' she said.

A new generation of retailing is approaching, according to online retail analyst IMRG, with rich media content, interactive web sites and Web 2.0 initiatives to improve the online shopping experience.

Tesco.com has already announced its intention to introduce such features to its web site, starting with the addition of an interactive map to locate stores, and more community involvement.

Waitrose will announce the re-launch of its web site on Wednesday, which will include new simple navigation, more comprehensive nutritional information and online answers to common questions.

The Waitrose.com site will remain separate from its online shopping site Ocado.

The company has an archive of 4,500 recipes on its web site and plans to add 20 new ones each month. Users will be able to create their own e-scrapbook of recipes, complete with notes.

Apple fury at iPod sex toy (why??)

Apple must be a bunch of prudes! I would of thought any good adverts that mimic theirs would help sales as well as Ann Summers! lol

Have a read & a laugh!

Apple fury at iPod sex toy

Lawyers fight iGasm vibrator

iPod-maker Apple is threatening to sue a sex shop over a vibrator that hooks up to an iPod and has similar advertising to that used in posters for the digital music player.

Apple is demanding that stores remove all posters for the gadget, called an iGasm.

OPINION: APPLE ISN'T FUN ANY MORE

"We hope this request to remove it immediately will prevent us having to consider further action," said Apple lawyers.

The Ann Summers neon-pink ads feature a sexy woman with wires coming out of her iPod and into her knickers, teasing "Go at it hard and fast with a pounding drum 'n' bass track or chill with ambient classic."

The iGasm advert

Apple lawyers claim the poster is a blatant rip-off of its famous iPod silhouette images.

The News of the World newspaper reports Ann Summers boss Jacqueline Gold saying: "Perhaps I can send them an iGasm to put a smile back on their faces!"

Oncoming Death of the Audio Cassette

Yup its true, been in the papers & on Computer magazine Web pages. Our well used & still needed Cassette is gradually getting the boot! I know we all use CD players, MP3's, but how many of ya still go a cassette deck at home & use it as well as one in the car? So have a read to the new I copied from a webpage!

Guess we are being herded to Disks like the shops did with the VHS!

"It was a product we all grew up with and loved but it seems that Curry's has finally bowed to digital pressure and called time on the audio cassette tape.

The electrical retailer has announced that it will be destroying the cassette legacy and many memories by outing the product to make more room for its digital cousins such as iPods and mp3 players.

The decision by the retailer follows the decline in cassette tape sales from 83 million in 1989 to just 100,000 last year.

The store will also phase out tape decks by Christmas, which are currently available in less than five per cent of audio equipment.

However, the cassette family it seems will die a slow death.

Currys will continue for now to sell existing stocks of cassette tapes, but these will not be replenished giving the products a shelf life of at least 18 months.

Peter Keenan, managing director of Currys, blamed the company's decision on the rise of "today's mp3 generation [which use] just a few clicks of the mouse to achieve what's arguably a better outcome".

Mike Floodgate, development executive for the Radio, Electrical, and Television Retailers Association (RETRA), agreed.

"There has to come a time where some technology isn't used enough to warrant selling it's components," he told Computeractive. "If it is no longer being used and not needed by people then it is the right decision for Curry's."

"Maybe five years down the line the same conversation about video will come up, the fact is that once people don't need things they have to be taken off the shelves," he said.

However, Floodgate had some good news for those who can't quite part with losing the nostalgia of lovingly making a compilation cassette tape to impress the opposite sex and memories that sounds of chewed tapes emitted - often like you had dunked the singers head under water.

He said: "Some of our members might continue to continue to sell this product as they are independent of the big retail stores and have their own client base."

Currys is not the first to stop selling the cassette and its components, last year both Woolworths and HMV pulled the plug on tapes after they saw public interest in the products was dwindling.

At its mid-1980s peak 900 million cassettes were sold a year. This was largely due to the way people could record off the radio without any risks of being tracked down and fined for digital rights. However, it seems that day and age has well and truly gone – look out CD's and videos your time might be limited too."

Twelve-steps to curing e-mail addiction! ( Oh pls!!! LOL )

PHILADELPHIA, Pennsylvania -- Alcoholics have one, and so do drug abusers. Now people addicted to e-mail also have a 12-step program designed to tackle their obsession.
An executive coach in Pennsylvania has devised a plan to teach people how to manage the electronic tool, which some users say can be as much an intrusive waste of time as it is fast-paced and efficient.
Developed for cases such as a golfer who checked his BlackBerry after every shot, and lost a potential client who wanted nothing to do with his obsession, Marsha Egan's plan taps into deepening concern that e-mail misuse can cost businesses millions of dollars in lost productivity.
"There is a crisis in corporate America, but a lot of CEOs don't know it," Egan said. "They haven't figured out how expensive it is."
One of Egan's clients cannot walk by a computer -- her own or anyone else's -- without checking for messages. Other people will not vacation anywhere they cannot connect to their e-mail systems. Some wait for e-mail and send themselves a message if one hasn't shown up in several minutes, Egan said.
The first of Egan's 12 steps is "admit that e-mail is managing you. Let go of your need to check e-mail every 10 minutes."
Other steps include "commit to keeping your inbox empty," "establish regular times to review your e-mail" and "deal immediately with any e-mail that can be handled in two minutes or less but create a file for mails that will take longer."
Egan says she hosts no 12-step meetings but is planning a monthly teleconference for "e-mailers anonymous."
Michelle Grace, an insurance agent in Lehighton, Pennsylvania, said she receives up to 60 messages a day and uses Egan's program to make it less time-consuming and less stressful.
"E-mail had me by the throat," she said. "When you can't find what you need, then it becomes a problem."
Now that her e-mail is transferred -- some manually and some automatically -- into files, Grace said she spends less time hunting for them.
On average, workers who receive an e-mail take four minutes to read it and recover from the interruption before they can resume working productively, Egan said.
She also recommends checking e-mail not more than three or four times a day.
Some employees resist the lure of e-mail during the regular workday, only to find themselves putting in extra hours at home to clear the backlog, she said. One of Egan's clients said he had 3,600 messages in his inbox.
Part of the problem is senders who copy messages too widely and are too vague in their subject lines, so recipients don't know what they need to open right away, Egan said.
For Grace, relief from her e-mail addiction means she is not checking her computer every five minutes.
She said she has let her colleagues know that if they need to reach her immediately, e-mail is not the way to do it.
"I told them, 'If you need me urgently, pick up the phone,'" she said.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Following are the 12 steps of a plan devised by executive coach Marsha Egan in Pennsylvania to teach people how to manage their e-mail:

1. Admit that e-mail is managing you. Let go of your need to check e-mail every ten minutes.
2. Commit to keeping your inbox empty.
3. Create files where you can put inbox material that needs to be acted on.
4. Make broad headings for your filing system so that you have to spend less time looking for filed material.
5. Deal immediately with any e-mail that can be handled in two minutes or less but create a file for mails that will take longer.
6. Set a target date to empty your in box. Don't spend more than an hour at a time doing it.
7. Turn off automatic send/receive.
8. Establish regular times to review your e-mail.
9. Involve others in conquering your addiction.
10. Reduce the amount of e-mail you receive.
11. Save time by using only one subject per e-mail; delete extra comments from forwarded e-mail, and make the subject line detailed.
12. Celebrate taking a new approach to e-mail.

Senders of indecent electronic mail to land a place on sex register (You gotta read this crap!)

Amendment to sexual offences act now includes harassment via electronic communication

Members of the public sending emails or texts with sexual connotations could earn themselves a place on the sex offenders register under changes to existing laws.

The new amendments which came into effect this week will focus on schedule five of the Sexual Offences Act 2003, which prosecutes offences which are not primarily sexual in nature.
Under the new amendments any phone calls, text or voice messages that are seen as sexual harassment could result in a sexual offences prevention order (SOPO).
Anyone with a SOPO will also be automatically placed on the sex register which has been designed to monitor and control the behaviour and risk posed by said sex offenders.
However although this new change will bring electronic communication firmly into the Sexual Offences Act of 2003 it is not the first time people will be prosecuted for an electronic communication crime.
Under the Communications Act 2003 the improper use of a public email network is already forbidden and anyone sending a message that is "grossly offensive or of an indecent, obscene or menacing character" will be prosecuted according to the law.
So does that mean we all going to be on the register for sending sexual referenced communications to those who know us??
I'm one for protecting the ones at risk, but come on! How many of us have done it, sending sexual referenced messages like comments on Myspace?

Tips for Handling Telemarketers

Tips for Handling Telemarketers, something I love doing to them! lol
(1) Three little words: "Hold On please..."
Saying this, while putting down your phone and walking off (instead of hanging-up immediately) would make each telemarketing call so much more time-consuming that boiler room sales would grind to a halt. Then when you eventually hear the phone company's "beep-beep-beep" tone, you know it's time to go back and hang up your handset, which has efficiently completed its task. These three little words will help eliminate telephone soliciting.
(2) Silent Calls...
Do you ever get those annoying phone calls with no one on the other end? This is a telemarketing technique where a machine makes phone calls and records the time of day when a person answers the phone. This technique is used to determine the best time of day for a "real" sales person to call back and get someone at home. What you can do after answering, if you notice there is no one there, is to immediately start hitting your # button on the phone, 6 or 7 times, as quickly as possible. This confuses the machine that dialled the call and it kicks your number out of their system. Gosh, what a shame not to have your name in their system any longer !!!
(3) Junk Mail Help:
When you get "ads" enclosed with your phone or utility bill, return these "ads" with your payment. Let the sending companies throw their own junk mail away. When you get those "pre-approved" letters in the mail for everything from credit cards to 2nd mortgages and similar type junk, do not throw away the return envelope. Most of these come with postage-paid return envelopes, right? It costs them more than the regular 24p postage
"IF" and when they receive them back. It costs them nothing if you throw them away! The postage was around 29p before the last increase and it is according to the weight. In that case, why not get rid of some of your other junk mail and put it in their postage-paid return envelopes. For example; send an ad for your local chimney cleaner to American Express. Send a pizza coupon to Citibank. If you didn't get anything else that day, then just send them their blank application back! If you want to remain anonymous, just make sure your name isn't on anything you send them. You can even send the envelope back empty if you want to just to keep them guessing! It still costs them 24p.
The banks and credit card companies are currently getting a lot of their own junk back in the mail, but folks, we need to OVERWHELM them. Let's let them know what it's like to get lots of junk mail, and best of all they're paying for it...Twice!
Another thing the Royal Mail are doing now, is to stuff local adverts through your letterbox. I collect them and put them in their own Post Boxes. Good fun! Let's help keep our postal service busy since they are saying that e-mail is cutting into their business profits, and that's why they need to increase postage costs again. You get the idea?
If enough people follow these tips, it will work!

Another example of American Justice

Got this in an email & thought you would like to read it!

This is the ideal definition of true justice.

A Charlotte, NC, lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire amongst other things.

Within a month of having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.

In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires"

The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. Ther lawyer sued.....and won!

In delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated, nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire, and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than indure lenghthy and xostly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15.000 to the lawyer for the loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires"

NOW FOR THE BEST PART

After the lawyer cashed the cheque, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON' With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months jail and a $24.000 fine.

This is a true story and was the 1st place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.

ONLY IN AMERICA! NO WONDER THE WORLD THINKS THEY NUTS!!!!

We are all Doomed!!!!

CANCER UPDATE FROM JOHN HOPKINS HOSPITAL , U S - PLEASE READ

Please circulate to all you know, Cancer update -- John Hopkins --

Cancer News from John Hopkins:

1. No plastic containers in micro.
2. No water bottles in freezer.
3. No plastic wrap in microwave.

Johns Hopkins has recently sent this out in its newsletters. This information is being circulated at Walter Reed Army Medical Center as well.
Dioxin chemicals causes cancer, especially breast cancer.
Dioxins are highly poisonous to the cells of our bodies. Don't freeze your plastic bottles with water in them as this releases dioxins from the plastic.
Recently, Dr. Edward Fujimoto, Wellness Program Manager at Castle Hospital , was on a TV program to explain this health hazard. He talked about dioxins and how bad they are for us.
He said that we should not be heating our food in the microwave using plastic containers.
This especially applies to foods that contain fat.
He said that the combination of fat, high heat, and plastics releases dioxin into the food and ultimately into the cells of the body.
Instead, he recommends using glass, such as Corning Ware, Pyrex or ceramic containers for heating food. You get the same results, only without the dioxin. So such things as TV dinners, instant ramen and soups, etc., should be removed from the container and heated in something else.
Paper isn't bad but you don't know what is in the paper. It's just safer to use tempered glass, Corning Ware, etc.
He reminded us that a while ago some of the fast food restaurants moved away from the foam containers to paper. The dioxin problem is one of the reasons.
Also, he pointed out that plastic wrap, such as Saran, is just as dangerous when placed over foods to be cooked in the microwave. As the food is nuked, the high heat causes poisonous toxins to actually melt out of the plastic wrap and drip into the food.
Cover food with a paper towel instead.

Oh well, guess we all should ban Microwave foods, as if!!!!

Just when you think you are over your ex!

I was having a good day today, cold finally gone, aches receding a bit now the cold has gone. etc, etc, etc..........

Then someone I know emails me a section of a Blog. Supposedly from my ex-wife Blog page. So I read it, didn't like what I read so went to her website & yup there it is! No I'm fuming! So here is the bit I'm fuming about!
"It is hard to explain, even to myself I guess, why it is different this time - why I can say this love feels stronger then others that have gone before. I do not deny I loved the others - but if I am honest, I think I was in love with the idea of being in love with them, more then I was in love with the person involved - maybe THAT is the difference this time, I have given myself time to get to know him a little first. There is still much for us both to learn, but there is plenty of time for that, all I know is there is a connection there, something that was lacking before has been satated, the hunger in my heart. There is more to this story, but for now, that is all you get - be patient, as I have to, the rest will come in time."
Now if you don't know why, well simply put it's this bit "but if I am honest, I think I was in love with the idea of being in love with them, more then I was in love with the person involved", I can't believe she said that!! We got married, I gave her everything & I'm still paying off the f'ing debts from it all! Now if that's how she felt, why the f**k did she marry me in the first frigging place? Now it mean all my heartache & loss of her leaving me for another was all for nothing!!! We never rushed things; we were together for near on 3 yrs before the Wedding! She had plenty of time to stop things moving on if she felt that way!
Well now I know how she feels, the gloves are off now. God help her if she tries to contact me because I feel nothing for her anymore! And she will get all the anger I had held back over the yrs. So if anyone who reads this knows the both of us, just tell to stay out of my life!!! She has broken too many promises & told too many lies for me to care anymore, for now I will not honour the promises I made to her all those yrs ago for the way she has been to me!
I am so tempted to phone her & call her every name under the sun, but I wont sink to her level! I could do alot of damage to her but wont, I just want shot of her & enjoy my life with what I have now!
So now I am watching DVD's & drinking Mulled Wine, half of which is now gone! Trying to calm down! She is no more a part of my life! I am happily looking to a better future & now my past is my past! No more ghosts to haunt me!

It is the New Year for me & so much has changed already before it, now I'm spring cleaning my life so it's ready for what's ahead! She has hurt me for the last time! Now it's time for me to work out where my life is now! For the way things are, it sure isn't here in Farnham!

So here's to the new future! New Life! New near on everything I guess! I'll wake up in the morning regretting my actions tonight with the Mulled wine, but not anything else!

So here's to 2007, a new beginning!

P.S. Sorry if this seems a long winded, just needed it out of my system!!!

Strange Sex Laws from All Over the World

Found this site & loved what I read! Link at the end!

In London England, it is not legal to have sex on a parked motorbike. I guess it's okay while your driving?

There is, a law in Illinois that prohibits having a public erection, and nude dancing. The laws against the public erection has never been challenged, but the prohibition against nude dancing has.

It was illegal for anyone other than a woman's husband to see her bare feet in 17th century Spain. A woman could freely bear her breasts, however feet were considered sexual and had to be covered in the presence of men other than her husband.

In Florida, it is illegal to have sex with a porcupine.

Many years ago, in Tibet, all women had to prostitute themselves as a way to gain sexual experience before to marriage.

According to the Arizona Supreme Court female breasts, are not "private parts" under state law.

The Huns punished male rapists and adulterers by castrating them while their female counterparts were only cut in two.

Decapitation is the penalty for masturbation in Indonesia.

A special law concerning oral sex was passed by Empress Wu Hu of The T'ang Dynasty, because she felt that a woman pleasuring a man orally represented the supremacy of males over the females, she insisted that all visiting male dignitaries show respect by pleasing her orally upon arrival.

The Romans would crush a first-time rapist's gonads between two stones.

In China, women are prohibited from walking around a hotel room in the nude. A woman may be naked only while in the bathroom.

The early Christian church forbade couples from having sex on Wednesdays, Fridays and of course, Sundays.

In Pompeii, a special law was directed at prostitutes. They had to dye their hair either blue, red or yellow in order to be able to work.

In Indiana, mustaches are illegal if the bearer has a "tendency to habitually kiss other humans."

Six thousand years ago, Egyptians, the first to punish sex crimes with castration, would completely castrate a male convicted of rape. A women found guilty of adultery would find herself without a nose, the thinking being that without a nose, it would be harder to find someone to share in her adulterous ways.

In Krakow, Poland it's not only a crime to have sex with animals, but three-time offenders are shot in the head.

Up until 1884, a woman could be sent to prison for denying a husband sex.

In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception—prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises."

While not as extreme as the ancient Israelite punishment for adultery (stoning), Greek men still had their fair share of discomfort when their pubic hair was removed and a large radish was shoved up their rectum.

In Alabama, it's against the law for a man to seduce "a chaste woman by means of temptation, deception, arts, flattery or a promise of marriage."

In Nepal, Bangladesh and Macao it is against the law to view movies containing simulated lovemaking or the pubic area of men and women. The law also does not allow kisses to be shown in any film that includes actors from these three countries.

It's illegal to have sex with a corpse anywhere in the United States.

There are men in Guam whose full-time job it is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time. Why? Under the law in Guam, it is forbidden for virgins to marry.

In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover may be killed in any manner desired.

An 18th century French prostitute could be spared punishment if she were willing to join the opera.

In Mississippi, S & M is against the law. Specifically, "The depiction or description of flagellation or torture by or upon a person who is nude or in undergarments or in a bizarre or revealing costume for the purpose of sexual gratification."

During the Middle Ages, if you were guilty of bestiality you'd be burned at the stake, along with the other party to your crime.

As recently as 1990, these states had laws against heterosexual fellatio, cunnilingus, anal sex and the use of dildos: Idaho, Utah, Arizona, Oklahoma, Minnesota, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, Florida, South Carolina, North Carolina, Virginia, Maryland, Massachusetts, Rhode Island and Washington D.C.

In Minnesota, it is illegal for any man to have sexual intercourse with a live fish.

In Detroit, couples are not allowed to make love in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple's own property.

In Oxford, Ohio, it's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture.

An excerpt from Kentucky state legislation: "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club."

The only acceptable sexual position in Washington, D.C. is the missionary position. Any other sexual position is considered illegal.

In Michigan a woman isn't allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's permission.

It is illegal for any member of the Nevada legislature to conduct official business wearing a penis costume while the legislature is in session.

In Ventura County, California cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit.

Under Lebanese law, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is expressly forbidden.

A law in Fairbanks, Alaska does not allow moose to have sex on city streets.

In Kingsville, Texas there is a law against two pigs having sex on the city's airport property.

Women can sell items and be topless in Liverpool, England—but only in tropical fish stores.

In the state of Texas it is a misdemeanor if two men engage in oral and or anal sex and is considered sodomy. The same law does not apply to men and women engaging in the same activity with each other.

In Romboch, Virginia, it is illegal to engage in sexual activity with the lights on.

In the state of Utah, sex with an animal—unless performed for profit—is not considered sodomy and therefore is legal.

Anywhere in the U.S., it's illegal to use any live endangered species (except for insects) in public or private sexual displays, shows or exhibits depicting cross-species sex.

In the quiet town of Connorsville, Wisconsin, it's illegal for a man to shoot off a gun when his female partner has an orgasm.

It is illegal for a man and woman to have sex "on the steps of any church after the sun goes down" in Birmingham, England.

In the state of Washington there is a law against having sex with a virgin under any circumstances (including the wedding night).

A Tremonton, Utah law states that no woman is allowed to have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance. In addition to normal charges, the woman's name will be published in the local newspaper. The man does not receive any punishment.

It's against the law in Willowdale, Oregon, for a husband to curse during sex.

Sodomy laws have been repealed—or are ignored—in most states, but not Georgia, where a man was sentenced not long ago to five years in prison for engaging in oral sex. With his wife. With her consent. In their home. His predicament has apparently been a source of considerable amusement to other inmates.

An Oklahoma state representative once proposed a bill requiring that a man explain the dangers of pregnancy and obtain a woman's written consent before the two could legally engage in sexual intercourse.

In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.

No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.

Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you—or holding you in his arms.

Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown—if they're nude.

In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it's illegal to make love on the floor between the beds.

The owner of every hotel in Hastings, Nebraska, is required to provide each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No couple, even if they are married, may sleep together in the nude. Nor may they have sex unless they are wearing one of these clean, white cotton nightshirts.

An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in meat freezer.

A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts.

In Norfolk, Virginia, a woman can't go out without wearing a corset. (There was a civil-service job—for men only—called a corset inspector.)

However, in Merryville, Missouri, women are prohibited from wearing corsets because "the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male."

It's safe to make love while parked in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. Police officers aren't allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car to investigate.

Another law in Helena, Montana, mandates that a woman can't dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing.

Lovers in Liberty Comer, New Jersey, should avoid satisfying their lustful urges in a parked car. If the horn accidentally sounds while they are frolicking behind the wheel, the couple can face a jail term.

A Florida sex law: If you're a single, divorced, or widowed woman, you can't parachute on Sunday afternoons.

Women aren't allowed to wear patent-leather shoes in Cleveland, Ohio—a man might see the reflection of something "he oughtn't!"

Liquor and sex always seem to go together, even in the writing of laws. Maryland prohibits the selling of condoms through vending machines in gas stations and stores—with one major exception. Prophylactics may be dispensed by a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises."

Vending-machine condom sales, on the other hand, are banned in such states as Hawaii, Kentucky, Massachusetts, Pennsylvania and Wisconsin. Yes, you may purchase a pack of gum, a candy bar, some potato chips, or a soft drink from a vending machine—but, alas, absolutely no condoms!

And in Texas, no one other than a "registered pharmacist" may sell condoms or other kinds of contraceptives "on the streets or other public places." No, not even physicians! Anyone who tries to make a few extra bucks doing this will be severely prosecuted for the dire act of "unlawfully practicing medicine."

No one may purchase a package of condoms at a corner drugstore anywhere in Nebraska. Only physicians can sell them while practicing medicine. In Arkansas, condoms can be sold only by physicians and other medical practitioners. Delaware allows the sale of condoms only by doctors and wholesale druggists.

Kentucky and Idaho limit condom sales to medical practitioners and licensed pharmacists, but their license to sell the items may not be hung on a wall where it can be seen by customers. Maine, on the other hand, licenses condom sellers, and the license must always be on public display.

Nevada, with 35 legal bordellos, has no condom problem; the law there requires that condoms be made readily available at each brothel. The use of condoms in Nevada brothels is compulsory.

Both Indiana and Ohio have laws that prohibit male skating instructors from having sexual relations with their female students. This misdeed, called "the seduction of female students" in the ludicrous legislation, is prosecuted as a felony. This statute apparently applies only to male teachers. It seems female skating instructors may have sex with male students.

Authorities in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, passed a special piece of legislation governing sexual activities in the toll-collection booths on the Pennsylvania Turnpike. The law, which pertains only to female toll collectors, prohibits them from engaging in sex with a truck driver in the confines of a booth. Any woman violating this law will be fired for "behavior unbecoming an employee." (If for any reason the transgressor is later reinstated, she won't be allowed back pay.)

Clinton, Oklahoma, is apparently a community with unusually high moral standards. The city fathers have banned local men from masturbating while observing a couple making love in the back seat of a parked car in a drive-in theater. Such a peeper can be fined and jailed for "molesting a vehicle."

North Carolina has a law on the books against "Peeping Toms," but the legislation is somewhat biased! It's illegal in that state for a man to peep through a window at a woman—yet it's not against the law for a woman to peep into a room occupied by a man. (Nor is it a violation of the law if a man peeps at another man!)

Until the law was repealed in 1975, California husbands and wives could both get a 15-year penitentiary term for engaging in certain sexual practices. They were specifically prohibited from engaging in any oral activities, even in the privacy of their own bedroom.

Try to avoid going through Skullbone, Tennessee, if you desire a little sex while driving. The law there bans a woman from "pleasuring a man" while he is sitting behind the wheel of any moving vehicle. Any man stopped and found with the front of his pants undone can be fined a minimum of $50 and serve thirty days in jail.

Married, yet want to mess around a little on the side? If so, be careful where you decide to play. In California, adultery is punishable by a $1,000 fine and/or one year in prison. But adultery in Arkansas is much cheaper—offenders are fined a mere $20 to $100.

If you live in Michigan and feel an uncontrollable desire to have a fulfilling physical encounter with someone of the opposite sex, please restrain yourself! Take a trip to Texas or Virginia before succumbing to your sensual desires. Why? Because single guys and gals who are caught in the act in Michigan can be fined as much as $5,000, and they could be sentenced to as many as five years in prison. Single adults in Texas who are apprehended while having sex are charged with a misdemeanor and given a $500 fine. On the other hand, singles in Virginia who get caught spend no time in jail, and the fine is a paltry $20 to $100, according to the court's judgment.

Branchville, South Carolina, retains a wonderful old piece of loony legalese covering those who "lewdly and lasciviously associate, bed, and cohabit together, in a public or non-public place." The amorous couple can be punished with a $500 fine and as much as a six-month prison term.

Single folks have it relatively easy in Rhode Island. This state still prohibits unmarried people from partaking of bedroom activities under any circumstances. However, if caught, the lovers are both fined $10.

Unmarried adults in Arizona who decide to fool around a little are committing a serious felony. Anyone single, man or woman, caught having sex can be sent to the penitentiary for three full years.

Many variations of sexual fun and games have apparently been a popular pastime in societies throughout history. Ancient Roman art regularly depicts quite a number of these activities. So does the art of bygone Greece. Drawings by the ancient Egyptians include the same things. It's found even in paintings done by prehistoric cave dwellers. Despite such artistic license, many of the United States still punish certain bedroom antics rather severely. For example, South Dakota (Compiled Laws 22-22-21) threatens a ten-year prison term for "copulation by means of mouth." Utah (Code 76-53-22) has made this same act a misdemeanor; there, oral sex brings a six-month jail term and a $299 fine. Rhode Island (General Laws 11-10-1) labels it an "'abominable, detestable crime against nature," and such activity brings a seven-to-ten-year stretch in the penitentiary. It is outlawed in New Mexico (Statutes 40-A-9-6), where participation is punishable by a $5,000 fine and a two-to-ten-year sentence. Florida (Statutes 800.01) chastises with a twenty-year prison sentence those who take part in this act.

Men can still be arrested and punished for the crime of "patronizing a prostitute." This is the law in such places as New York, Kansas, Illinois, and Connecticut—which gives a "john" three years in prison. Go to Kansas if you really must do business with a hooker. It's only one month in jail and a $500 fine for anyone who gets caught. Better yet, visit Nevada, where prostitution is legal. (The state actually has had within its borders an organization called the Nevada Brothel Association!)

A gentleman can be incarcerated for from one to ten years in an Arizona or Washington, D.C., prison for causing his wife to be a prostitute." A man can also get ten years in Arkansas and twenty years in Maine and Michigan for placing" his spouse in a brothel. And in Missouri it's a "high misdemeanor" for a fellow to "force" his wife to sell sexual services on the streets.

Don't import an Asian woman and make her a prostitute in California. If you're caught, you could get a year in prison and a $500 fine.

Buckfield, Maine, has a rather unusual law regarding cab drivers and sex. The legislation declares that no taxi driver "will be allowed" to charge a fare to any passenger who gives him sexual favors" in return for a ride home from a nightclub or other "establishment which serves alcoholic beverages," or any "place of business" selling liquor.

Carlsbad, New Mexico, retains a law making it illegal under certain conditions for couples to have sex in a parked vehicle during their lunch break from work. The car or van must have tightly drawn curtains to stop strangers from peeking inside while the activity is taking place.

It's against the law in Beanville, Vermont, for a road map to be printed and sold or given away if it contains advertising of a "lewd or lascivious nature." The ban specifically includes ads for massage parlors and hot tubs, as both are believed to be of a "sensual bent."

An old law in Cattle Creek, Colorado bans a man or his wife from making love while bathing "in any lake, river or stream." In other words, anyone who wants to fool around while bathing must do so in a tub, or not at all.

It's against the law to make love to a virgin, whatever the circumstances, anywhere in the state of Washington. According to the wording of the legislation, it's a major crime even to marry and then spend the night with a virgin bride in this enlightened area of the nation. Washington's unique legislation reads: "Every person who shall seduce and have sexual intercourse with any female of previously chaste character shall be punished by imprisonment in the state penitentiary for not more than five (5) years or in the county jail for not more than one (1) year or by a fine of $1000 or by both fine and imprisonment."

Anniston, Alabama, certainly isn't paradise for a liberated woman who might enjoy making love in a pool hall. An old ordinance bans women from using promises of certain physical activities to pay off a bet on a match they are playing. Nor may they initiate sex while hanging around a pool hall.

Women who go out on the streets alone at night in Kansas City, Kansas, can be arrested under an obscure 1901 city ordinance. Any unattended females can be picked up by the police if they are "in the streets or any public place without lawful business and without giving a good accounting of themselves."

The law in Cottonwood, Arizona, says nothing about a couple making love in a car with a flat tire. But lawmakers there did ban people from doing this while inside an automobile with "flat wheels." If the vehicle with flat wheels is parked, and you're caught making love in the front seat, it's a $25 fine. But if you're caught playing around while in the back seat, the fine is doubled if your offense is making love while driving such a flat-wheeled vehicle, the fine jumps to $100 for the first offense and $150 for all offenses thereafter. (No one has yet been able to define "flat wheels" correctly.)

There's an odd law governing beds in all Sioux Falls, South Dakota, hotels. Every room is required to have twin beds. And these twin beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it's illegal to make love on the floor between the beds.

Connecticut still retains an old law forbidding any kind of "private sexual behavior between consenting adults." This odd law makes absolutely no distinction between married and single couples. Is such a law an indication that Connecticut citizens should "do their thing" in public?

The Louisiana House of Representatives believes in keeping up with the times. It hurriedly approved a unique anti-streaking law; under it, streakers can be sentenced to five years in the state penitentiary and given a $2,000 fine for streaking "while intending to arouse the desires of minors." Streaking with only the "intent of arousing sexual desire" brings a violator a $100 fine and one year in prison. If it can be proven beyond doubt to the court that the streaker had "no lascivious intent," no fine or jail term is imposed.

Buggery in Nebraska (Revised Statutes 28-919) is never to be treated lightly! So-called buggery, or anal copulation, can bring a whopping twenty years in the penitentiary. And buggery in Pennsylvania (Statute 4501) is deadly serious as well. It can bring transgressors a $5,000 fine and ten years at hard labor.

South Carolina's Code of Laws 16-412 includes "the abominable crime of buggery." A $500 fine and five years in prison are the punishment. Buggery in Maryland (Code Sections 553 and 554) brings a one- to ten-year prison term. Kansas (Statute 21-3505) treats buggery more lightly. Anyone in Kansas caught engaging in this activity draws a maximum sentence of six months in jail.

Indiana and Wyoming both have laws against anyone's enticing, alluring, instigating, or helping a person under twenty-one to masturbate. This activity is known in legal circles as an act of "self pollution."

Five years in prison for masturbation? Yes! Michigan law prescribes such a stringent sentence for a man who engages "in acts of gross indecency, either in public or private." This includes mutual masturbation by two men or the simple act of solitary masturbation.

New Jersey law threatens men with a three-year sentence for "mutual masturbation." The law covers anyone "who, in private, is a party to an act of lewdness or sexual indecency with another."

No one may have sex while riding in the sidecar of a motorcycle in Norfolk, Virginia, where an old ordinance outlaws anyone from doing so while cruising down a city street. Such activity is considered to be a "licentious sexual act."

When traveling, if you decide to stop overnight in Hastings, Nebraska, be aware of this loony sex law: The owner of every hotel is required to provide each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No male and female—even if they are married—may sleep together in the nude. Nor may any sexual activity be undertaken except while the couple is attired in one of these plain white cotton nightshirts.

Procuring or employing an Alabama girl from 10 to 18 years old for prostitution brings a relatively mild $300 to $500 fine and six months in jail. What about a little girl in Alabama under 10 years of age?

And finally, South Dakota takes a back seat to no one when it comes to retaining interesting old laws. Prostitutes there are still prohibited from plying their trade out of a covered wagon.

It's "an excusable act of passion" in Colombia, South America, for a man to murder his wayward wife when he finds the woman in bed with her lover. If the husband "personally witnesses the corrupt sexual activity," he's allowed to shoot his unfaithful spouse. Such adultery-related homicides aren't even prosecuted.

Censorship laws in Brazil are strict. Explicit guidelines govern pornography. No newspaper, magazine, or book is allowed to discuss any aspect of homosexuality. Pictures of nude couples can't be included in any publication. No photographs even "suggesting" sexual activity are allowed. Pictures of babies being delivered are also taboo. Banned, too, are photos of women attired in bikinis or short-shorts. And no more than one bare female breast may legally be shown on any given page of a newspaper, magazine, book, or other publication.

The use of chili sauce and similar hot spices on jail and prison food is outlawed in Peru. An edict was handed down by the Interior Minister because these items were claimed to "have aphrodisiac qualities" and would "arouse sexual desires." This bureaucrat deemed chili sauce and other spices to be "not appropriate for men who are forced to live a limited life style."

Don't try to fool around while skinny-dipping anywhere near Georgetown, Guyana. Getting caught while bathing in the nude is punishable with a coat of fresh paint! The bathers are then taken to the outskirts of Georgetown and left to fend for themselves. The law is even tougher in its effort to discourage people from having sex while skinny-dipping. The lovers are first given a coat of paint; then, both parties "will be attached to an ass and taken on a tour of the village." Finally, they'll be dropped at the edge of town and told in no uncertain terms to not bother coming back.

Sodomy has long been a serious offense in Peru. A person who has engaged in it is first dragged through the streets on a rope. Hanging comes next! Finally, the corpse is burned while fully clothed. This symbolizes the sodomite's total destruction.

Cautin Province in Chile has an edict banning the hanging on the walls of Playboy centerfolds and other sexy pinups in any home or public building. The reason according to this decree? "It's more worthwhile to admire a good landscape than a photograph of a naked woman."

In Paramaribo, Suriname, a man who rapes a single woman won't be punished—if the rape victim agrees to marry her attacker.

Featherbeds were long ago outlawed in Buenos Aires, Argentina because "such an indulgence induces and encourages lascivious feelings."

The alpaca (a variety of llama) appears to be the most popular four-legged bedmate for many single Peruvian guys. So prevalent, apparently, is this sexual deviance that an old law still outlaws the activity. Unmarried young men are prohibited from even having a female alpaca live in their homes or apartments.

The law in Guatemala pulls no punches in dealing with single women who have been accused of illicit lovemaking. Supposed female "fornicators," when seen in the streets, are to be stopped, spat upon, and beaten by the citizens of the community! Single men aren't punished at all when they've been caught in the act.

It's against the law in Belize for any man to have sex with or marry his own aunt. Masked vigilantes are allowed to take the law into their own hands and severely punish the lawbreaker, who is tied to a tree and then flogged.

Passionate kissing in public places has been outlawed in Sorocaba, Brazil. The specific kind of kiss that was banned was "the cinematographic kiss, in which salivas mix to swell the sensuality."

Panama doesn't mess around when it comes to homosexuals and homosexuality. The law declares: "If any one of these males who commit this vile practice against nature with other males, he shall be degraded, and shall remain in perpetual exile." The penalty meted out for homosexual behavior is castration. The law also covers people who aren't homosexual themselves but associate with homosexuals. "Guilt by association" brings a penalty of a shaven head, one hundred lashes, and banishment.

The law in Honduras doesn't prohibit homosexuality, yet neither does it condone the practice. Sodomy, however, is strictly banned regardless of whether it's homosexual or heterosexual.

A man in Matagalpa, Nicaragua, is required by law to divorce his wife as soon as he discovers that she's committed adultery. He's in serious trouble should he fail to do so; the hapless husband may then be prosecuted for his unwillingness to take the proper and necessary course of action. A wife, on the other hand, is not permitted to divorce her husband when he's caught in bed with another woman. Such things are simply to be expected when it comes to men, says the law.

Peru still keeps on the books an old piece of legislation that dates all the way back to 1583. Passed by the Third Provisional Council of Lima, it states, "If there is anyone among you who commits sodomy, sinning with another man, or with a boy, or with a beast ... Let it be known that it carries the death penalty."

In Uruguay, a husband who catches his spouse in bed with another man is given an option under the current law. He has the right to kill both the wayward wife and her lover—or he can choose to slice off his wife's nose and castrate her lover!

It's a violation of the law in Valparaiso, Chile, for any man to marry a certain kind of woman—he must never take for his bride a woman who has committed adultery. Such a woman is to be condemned forever.

A married woman in La Paz, Bolivia, is not allowed to drink more than a tiny bit of wine. One who does is considered by law to be morally and sexually lax, and her husband may divorce her for one sip too many.

A married woman in Venezuela may be accused of committing adultery, but a simple unsubstantiated accusation isn't enough to merit her punishment. All the woman has to do is "swear" her innocence and she's cleared of all charges.

Masturbation is outlawed in French Guiana because of the "danger it presents to the masturbator." The law notes that such a physical act "is recognized as a common cause of insanity." Ridiculous? Well, it wasn't but a few years ago that young people in the United States were taught that masturbation would make them go blind!

El Salvador certainly isn't the best place for a married woman to have a fling. Any "married woman who lies with the male who is not her husband" can get a six-year prison term and a $30 fine. The amount of the fine is awarded to the woman's husband as his indemnity!

A husband in Honduras is guilty of adultery only when he has a mistress and when he "keeps her in a notorious manner."

A person can be arrested in San Jose, Costa Rica, for "keeping a common bawdy house." Or he or she may be charged with "keeping a place...for the practice of indecency."

A woman can legally be a prostitute in Santa Cruz, Bolivia. But it's against the law for a prostitute to solicit customers on the streets or in other public places.

Having sex with a relative is a serious infraction in Santa Ana, El Salvador. Anyone who violates this law is punished either by exile or by hanging. (The choice isn't left up to the lawbreaker.)

In Limon, Costa Rica, both parties in an adulterous relationship are in for real trouble: Each person is subject to being beaten and drowned in punishment for their deed.

The law among the Tupies of Brazil stipulates that once a woman is married, she's required to be faithful. The same standard doesn't apply to the husband. He's allowed to have as many mistresses as he can afford to keep.

Adultery isn't always a crime in Caracas, Venezuela. It depends on how long a couple has been married. Anyone, male or female, can play around and not be prosecuted, so long as they've been married for fewer than twelve months. After one full year of marital bliss, the same sexual activities become serious criminal offenses.

Young women in Bogoti, Colombia, are not permitted to be out alone on the streets after the sun goes down. Why? Because other people might think that they are prostitutes. The law allows the police to arrest such suspects.

A widow in Paramaribo, Suriname, who plans to remarry is required by law to first make love with a man. The statute even specifies who should be her bed partner: a member of her deceased husband's immediate family.

The law in Montevideo, Uruguay, bans a man from making love to his wife during her menstrual period. Nor is he allowed even to touch her between the waist and the knees. Anyone who violates this law is fined and publicly administered 200 lashes.

Personal revenge is allowed by law in Paraguari, Paraguay, when a man catches his wife in bed with someone else. He's permitted to kill his wife's lover, and his adulterous spouse, on the spot. But the wronged husband must take immediate action to be considered guiltless under this law—he isn't allowed to wait and do it later. On the other hand, a wife who catches her mate in bed with a lover is not entitled to any of these privileges.

The law in Durango, Mexico, governs when a couple may have sex after the woman's period begins. Five days must be allowed from the start of the menstrual flow. Seven more days must pass for "purification." A husband must not touch his wife in any manner with his hands. Then, after these twelve days have passed, the woman must bathe. Only then can the couple make love. Anyone caught violating this old law could receive the death penalty!

A bride in Ecuador had better be prepared for her wedding night. According to the law, the girl can be returned to her parents if her new husband determines that she is not a virgin.

When a bride is deflowered in Cali, Colombia, the law says, it must be done by the husband while making love. And this initial lovemaking must take place while the bride's mother sits close by and witnesses the activity.

Promiscuity isn't illegal in Valencia, Venezuela, so long as it's kept within certain specified boundaries. The single man or woman, says the law, shouldn't ever have sex with anyone who's deformed or who is known to be an "idiot."

Single women in Costa Rica are banned from all forms of sex. Activities specifically prohibited by the law include prostitution, fornication, and "any kind of lewd activities or behavior" with a man.

A law found in Santa Cruz, Bolivia, won't allow a man of any age to engage in sex with certain relatives and other people. Specific taboo relatives include the man's mother and his mother's sister. Nor may he have a sexual relationship with an unrelated woman and her daughter at the same time.

The Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini was apparently a man much obsessed with unique sexual legislation especially the more loony kind. He dreamed up quite a number of oddball laws with which he could further subjugate his fellow Iranians. According to one of the great Ayatollah's decrees, lovemaking during times of fasting was illegal in Iran. His edict read: "Coitus invalidates the fast, even if the penis has penetrated the vagina only as far as the circumcision scar, and even if ejaculation does not occur. If the penis does not penetrate up to the circumcision scar, and no ejaculation takes place, the fast is valid. If a man cannot determine with certainty to what length his penis has penetrated the vagina, even if he has gone past the circumcision scar, the fast is nonetheless valid.

Lawmakers in Jordan have legislated what they consider to be the most desirable amount of sexual activity between married couples. A husband, they order, is to make love "with the wife at least once every four months."

In Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates, the police can arrest a person for "committing an action that would be harmful to the general public." This might be the official charge for something as harmless as kissing a woman on her cheek in a public place. The penalty is ten days in jail for both the kisser and the kissee. The action could even be adultery! And adultery in Abu Dhabi is punishable by death. It's all according to who makes the arrest and what the arresting officer happens to write down at the time.

Conviction of adultery in an Islamic court depends entirely on the testimony of four male witnesses or eight female witnesses. Or an accused woman can condemn herself. All she must do is stand and admit three times that she actually committed the criminal act!

Saudi Arabia treats adulterers with firmness. Both of the guilty parties are quickly picked up by the authorities. They are securely tied in a cloth sack and stoned to death. Or the penalty for adultery might be somewhat more humane, according to the way the Saudis look at things. The guilty woman may be shot in front of her illicit lover, who is then publicly beheaded.

"Sperm is always impure," decreed the Ayatollah Khomeini, "whether it comes from coitus or from involuntary emissions while asleep." Therefore, Iranians are forced by law to go through ablution—or the ritualistic washing away of impurities as in a religious rite—after being involved in certain kinds of sexual activities. (Ablution isn't necessary, however, if the sperm stays inside the woman's vagina after lovemaking is completed.)

According to Iranian law, a man is required to perform his ablutions if he ejaculates while having sexual relations with an animal.

Citizens of most Middle Eastern countries are forbidden to eat lamb under certain circumstances covered by Islamic law. The law reads, "After having sexual relations with a lamb, it is a mortal sin to eat its flesh." In Oman, if a man has sex with a camel, a cow, or a ewe, the law says that the animal's milk becomes impure and is no longer suitable for human consumption. Oman law requires that the animal must immediately be killed and then burned! The person who sodomized the beast is required to pay its owner the dead animal's full market value.

In Lebanon, only men are legally allowed to have sex with animals. But the gender of the animal is important—it must always be female. A man's having sexual relations with a male animal is considered a mortal sin and brings a death penalty for those who get caught.

Also according to Lebanese law, a woman must be executed for fornicating with any animal—wild or domesticated.

And to end this treatise on animals and sex, the law in Iran actually suggests that sex play by their male population "with wild animals is not recommended, especially with a lioness." What is recommended instead is coitus with domesticated animals such as dogs, cats, donkeys, lambs and, yes, of all things—pigeons.

Sodomy is also commonplace in parts of the Middle East. Again, special legislation can be found in Iran to cover this form of sexual activity. The law declares that if a man's penis fully penetrates another man's anus, ablution is also a necessity, but this time for both parties to the sex act.

Kuwait covers all the bases when it comes to sexual feelings. It's illegal there for a married man to glance at another woman "in a sensual manner." Nor can any male, married or single, lustfully look at a statue of a female or at a female animal.

In Syria, a man is forbidden to "look at the body of a woman who is not his wife under any circumstances. It is also forbidden for a woman to look at the body of a man who is not her husband. It is forbidden to look at the genitals of others, even in the mirror or in a pool's reflection."

According to Iranian law, Islamic religious laws "must be obeyed and carried out by all—without exception and without argument. There is no other right, no other duty but obedience." This Middle Eastern country's Retribution Bill details the punishments for sex-related crimes such as fornication, homosexual activity, prostitution, and being a pimp. Each of these is punishable by death. Public morality is strictly enforced. Any man or woman even accused of adultery is shot.

Prostitution is a serious criminal offense in Yemen. Transgressors are simply rounded up and publicly beheaded.

No type of contraceptive may be brought into Saudi Arabia under any circumstances. The passage of legislation banning contraceptives quickly followed a World Moslem League ruling that "birth control was invented by the enemies of Islam." Anyone caught smuggling condoms, other contraceptive devices, or birth-control pills into the country is punished with a term of six months in prison.

Even physicians are thoroughly covered by Middle Eastern law when it comes to checking a woman's pubic area. Lawmakers in Bahrain have decreed that a male doctor can legally examine a woman's genitals. But any examination must be done indirectly. Says the law, "If a doctor must touch a woman's genitalia for medical reasons, he must not look directly at her genitals. He may do this only by seeing their reflection in a mirror."

Egypt has an unusual piece of legislation that prohibits a woman from belly dancing unless her navel is covered with gauze. Technically, according to this law, a female in Egypt may dance in public while wearing absolutely nothing more than a piece of gauze on her belly button.

Colonel Muammar el Qaddafi's Libya has a scale of prices to be paid for prospective wives by eligible single men. They must be willing to pay the equivalent of as much as $35,000, a handful of gold coins, one healthy camel, and a number of sheep. All of these things go to the bride-to-be's father. Many Libyan males who can't afford these prices travel to Egypt and Tunisia, where a wife can be had for around $200.

The law in Doha, Qatar, requires that if a naked Muslim woman is surprised by a man while bathing or dressing, she must first cover her face, not her body.

In King Ibn Saud's Saudi Arabia, rapists are held in jail until Friday of each week (Friday in Saudi Arabia is the Sabbath). They are then taken from the jail and dragged to the town square. Each rapist is unceremoniously beheaded right after the midday prayers are concluded.

No unmarried woman in Qatar is allowed to give birth. Such a woman is banned from using any hospital in the region. Nor can she receive any kind of medical assistance. A pregnant female who happens to be single must either flee the country or do the best she can by going it alone.

A rigorous code of Muslim sexual behavior was passed down by Iran's Ayatollah Khomeini. His followers in Iran and throughout the Middle East uphold these as holy laws to be applied sternly. They are to be obeyed and are not subject to change. Here are a number of Khomeini's most unusual sex-related laws.

What does a person who isn't able to hide his or her genitals with "anything in particular when undressed" do? The hand is a suitable covering, according to the law.

Eating the meat of donkeys, horses, or mules is against the law if the animal when alive was sodomized by a Muslim man. If this transpired, the animal must immediately "be taken outside the city and sold."

A man who perspires when he ejaculates doesn't have to worry according to Muslim law. His sweat isn't impure, but he's not allowed to pray so long as his clothing or body are still sweaty.

What must a Muslim man do who makes love to his wife when he should be abstaining? The fellow is required to avoid praying so long as he feels or looks as if he is still sweating from the illicit activity.

The law clearly states that a Muslim man can't marry a woman who was breast-fed as a baby by his grandmother or his mother.

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. The person undertaking the cleansing ritual commits a serious violation of the law if he or she sneaks a peek. The sex organs of a dead person must always be covered with a brick or a piece of wood during the ritual.

A Muslim man who makes love to his aunt isn't allowed to marry her daughters, his first cousins. But a man who marries his first cousin and then commits adultery with her mother can't get an annulment.

A Muslim man who gets married and then makes love to his wife is somewhat restrained insofar as his future sex life. He is strictly prohibited from making love to his wife's daughter or granddaughter, even if they are hers by a previous marriage.

Muslim males are also banned from marrying their own mother, sister, stepmother, or mother-in-law. Nor may they make love to their wife's paternal or maternal grandmothers or her great-grandmothers.

When a Muslim woman begins to menstruate while having sex, the man must immediately withdraw. If he can't and ejaculates instead, the fellow must, per the law, donate money to the poor. If he can't afford this, then something, however little, must be given to a beggar on the streets. Should this not be possible, the man then must, as a last resort, beg for God's forgiveness.

Marriage contracts commonly guarantee a wife's virginity in the Middle East. If the woman turns out not to be a virgin as promised, the husband may have their marriage annulled.

A Muslim husband is in serious trouble if he's incapable of making love to his wife. Under these circumstances, she's allowed by law to have the marriage annulled, and the husband is required to pay her damages (one-half of the dowry as spelled out in the marriage contract).

A married Muslim woman who is caught committing adultery must be sternly repudiated by her husband. After the husband finally divorces the unfaithful woman, however, he must pay her the full amount of her dowry.

No Muslim wife may refuse or even ignore her husband's sexual advances. Any woman who does is to be judged guilty and can't get food, clothing, and a place to live from him. Nor can such a woman ask her husband to have sex with her in the future. However, should they divorce, he must pay her damages that constitute part or all of her dowry.

In recent decades, China has indoctrinated its citizens to ignore their sexual interests. Transgressors are severely chastised. Is prostitution punished? Yes! And with heavy penalties. Nevertheless, officially speaking, there are no laws against prostitution anywhere in Red China. Why? Because, according to a member of the Communist Chinese Foreign Ministry in Beijing, "There is no prostitution in China. However, we do have some women who make love for money."

Bestiality laws in Bangkok, Thailand? There are none. Any man who "forcibly subdues and has sexual intercourse" with a female dog is merely charged with Cruelty to animals." The culprit is fined a small amount of money. If the female dog happens to be in heat, the fine is slightly higher.

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