As one chapter closes, the next one starts

This morning I awoke for the 1st time in weeks feeling.. well the best I can describe it is feeling less dark, refreshed, a spring in my step & generally feeling less old. All I can say is that the past few months have made life feeling a tad dark inside & tiring mentally as well as physically & a lot older than I am & have felt in a long time. There's been a few changes in my life I can't undo & after the 1st decent night sleep last night in quite a while, I feel now it's time to close this chapter of my life for the past 10yrs & accept these changes are here to stay & time to open the next chapter of my life.

I know I won't be the person I worked so hard to be for the past decade, sure ain't gone how I want it & definitely not completely stick free. It hasn't been a complete failure, I have gained a lot from the past 10yrs & gained new experiences that will stay with me for life, etc... The next chapter has already gone off to a good start with having a job that I love, enjoy to be in & slowly expanding my knowledge & hours working there.

Cycling will still is part of my life, maybe not quite how I wanted it to go as have to watch my knee & make sure it don't flare up but not letting it disappear from my life like it did 20yrs ago. Cycling does help keep knee going & with me now working too it'll help the knee a lot. Also new bikes are on the cards as well as the continuing rebuild of my Roadrunner project to help with my knee as looking for more suitable lighter bikes.

 

The flat has been on hold with decorating for far too long, combination of knee issues & work/life balance needed it's fell to the back of the list & it's time to re-address that. So working on starting to get flat back in order.

So here's to more good mornings like I had today to make my day a great day & look forward to better things in life for this next chapter of my life...

Just when you think you are over your ex!

I was having a good day today, cold finally gone, aches receding a bit now the cold has gone. etc, etc, etc..........

Then someone I know emails me a section of a Blog. Supposedly from my ex-wife Blog page. So I read it, didn't like what I read so went to her website & yup there it is! No I'm fuming! So here is the bit I'm fuming about!
"It is hard to explain, even to myself I guess, why it is different this time - why I can say this love feels stronger then others that have gone before. I do not deny I loved the others - but if I am honest, I think I was in love with the idea of being in love with them, more then I was in love with the person involved - maybe THAT is the difference this time, I have given myself time to get to know him a little first. There is still much for us both to learn, but there is plenty of time for that, all I know is there is a connection there, something that was lacking before has been satated, the hunger in my heart. There is more to this story, but for now, that is all you get - be patient, as I have to, the rest will come in time."
Now if you don't know why, well simply put it's this bit "but if I am honest, I think I was in love with the idea of being in love with them, more then I was in love with the person involved", I can't believe she said that!! We got married, I gave her everything & I'm still paying off the f'ing debts from it all! Now if that's how she felt, why the f**k did she marry me in the first frigging place? Now it mean all my heartache & loss of her leaving me for another was all for nothing!!! We never rushed things; we were together for near on 3 yrs before the Wedding! She had plenty of time to stop things moving on if she felt that way!
Well now I know how she feels, the gloves are off now. God help her if she tries to contact me because I feel nothing for her anymore! And she will get all the anger I had held back over the yrs. So if anyone who reads this knows the both of us, just tell to stay out of my life!!! She has broken too many promises & told too many lies for me to care anymore, for now I will not honour the promises I made to her all those yrs ago for the way she has been to me!
I am so tempted to phone her & call her every name under the sun, but I wont sink to her level! I could do alot of damage to her but wont, I just want shot of her & enjoy my life with what I have now!
So now I am watching DVD's & drinking Mulled Wine, half of which is now gone! Trying to calm down! She is no more a part of my life! I am happily looking to a better future & now my past is my past! No more ghosts to haunt me!

It is the New Year for me & so much has changed already before it, now I'm spring cleaning my life so it's ready for what's ahead! She has hurt me for the last time! Now it's time for me to work out where my life is now! For the way things are, it sure isn't here in Farnham!

So here's to the new future! New Life! New near on everything I guess! I'll wake up in the morning regretting my actions tonight with the Mulled wine, but not anything else!

So here's to 2007, a new beginning!

P.S. Sorry if this seems a long winded, just needed it out of my system!!!