As one chapter closes, the next one starts

This morning I awoke for the 1st time in weeks feeling.. well the best I can describe it is feeling less dark, refreshed, a spring in my step & generally feeling less old. All I can say is that the past few months have made life feeling a tad dark inside & tiring mentally as well as physically & a lot older than I am & have felt in a long time. There's been a few changes in my life I can't undo & after the 1st decent night sleep last night in quite a while, I feel now it's time to close this chapter of my life for the past 10yrs & accept these changes are here to stay & time to open the next chapter of my life.

I know I won't be the person I worked so hard to be for the past decade, sure ain't gone how I want it & definitely not completely stick free. It hasn't been a complete failure, I have gained a lot from the past 10yrs & gained new experiences that will stay with me for life, etc... The next chapter has already gone off to a good start with having a job that I love, enjoy to be in & slowly expanding my knowledge & hours working there.

Cycling will still is part of my life, maybe not quite how I wanted it to go as have to watch my knee & make sure it don't flare up but not letting it disappear from my life like it did 20yrs ago. Cycling does help keep knee going & with me now working too it'll help the knee a lot. Also new bikes are on the cards as well as the continuing rebuild of my Roadrunner project to help with my knee as looking for more suitable lighter bikes.

 

The flat has been on hold with decorating for far too long, combination of knee issues & work/life balance needed it's fell to the back of the list & it's time to re-address that. So working on starting to get flat back in order.

So here's to more good mornings like I had today to make my day a great day & look forward to better things in life for this next chapter of my life...

Minor blip in my plans....

Around 9 month ago after years of physio & determination, I thought I had finally conquered my disability, getting to full health & be stick free once & for all. Even getting on well with cycling & long rides with no issues after.

Well 3 weeks ago that all went to pot when my knee decided to go on me again after nearly 2 yrs of physio to sort it. It went so much so I was in agony & had to make a visit to the A&E where I eventually came back out on crutches & strong painkillers.

So for the first time in a long time I felt somethings I haven't felt in nearly 2 decades when my leg first went bad, disappointment & despair. It didn't help that the painkillers were making the mind all fuzzy & for the first time since I moved to Essex I wished I was back at Farnham, but not for what you might think. It was the flat I am thinking of, being on ground floor & having a garden is what I am missing at the moment. So I can relax & feel OK with it all as the cats would've had freedom to go in the garden & some where I can recuperate. Now there's nothing wrong with my current flat or it's location. Its the fact its in need of decorating & no garden I can easily get to as I'm on the 1st floor.

After 2 weeks, I finally came off the painkillers & crutches but still using the stick. Seen the GP to get a referral to a specialist as obviously the physio isn't working. And my brain is trying to adjust back to how I was years ago & I'm having issues with this, basically I am getting sick & tired with all this. I just want to get on with how I was doing before the knee went again, I aint as young to re-adjust again like I was 20yrs ago & really need to get this knee sorted.

At the moment I am feeling I wish I never had the damn operation to get me stick free as now going back on them is doing my head in & feel like I've been cruelly teased with a stick free life right now as I am back to how I was almost a decade ago & not know just yet when I be stick free again if at all.

So out of this I do feel I need to focus more on certain things, like everyone else we all have this where we have so many things going around in our heads & sometimes it's too much & need to re-evaluate & decide what is important right now. For me I need to sort my leg, a job & generally get my life back on track. The rest will have to wait or give way to what is more important.

So for now, just watch this space as I dunno how the next few weeks, months or years will pan out. I am hoping to try a short gentle cycle ride in a week or so time to test the waters to see if knee can cope. Then go from there, but most of all try not get stressed as I know that never helps the recovery.

2010 Time for changes.....

It is now coming to the end of the 1st month of 2010 and I am thinking this year is going to be another year of change. It’s almost hard to believe that 2 yrs ago today I went in for what felt like a week in Hell when I had my leg op.

In those 2 years, its been a heavy slow slog in rehabilitation to get my leg moving again, getting to walk on the leg & finally walk stick free, which I have achieved 99% of the time. Still have to rely on the stick when carrying what my leg can’t handle & in the past few weeks of snow, definitely not got my balance back just yet. lol

So what’s in store for me in 2010, well cycling is now my next goal to improve my health & fitness, yes I have tried it a few times last year. But my leg & mainly my knee have been giving me grief, more from lack of use in 16 yrs & now aren’t happy they have too. But now I have modified the bicycle for more comfort & better handling, I didn’t like those narrow handlebars. I am ready to go at it again when the weather finally clears those roads.

Next 2 are to move closer to Jules & this year I want it done! I am selling what I can, charity & freecycle stuff too. Decluttering, tidying up loose ends on the DIY & hoping I get a swap or else I have to go private renting. And then get a job, which is going to be the hard one I think! Been off work near on 5 yrs now & qualifications/experience is getting dated & getting closer to 40 this year which I know isn’t much of a big deal, but it seems to be when looking for work.

The other thing that’s going to change is those friendships that have been one sided for far too long time now. I have come to notice that a few so called friends locally haven’t bothered to keep in touch properly or even popped round in the past few yrs & not even seen some of them visit my place since before the op’ even though I have tried to visit them. Yet only hear from them when they need help & advice etc, to me that is far to one sided. I have seen more of my friends across the country more than I have seen any of the ones that live down the road to me and as I am going to move this year, its time to clean up loose ends all round.

So roll on 2010! Another year of change for me & another tattoo too!!!

My new reading glasses, what ya think? Haven't had to wear glasses in 10 yrs