The road to recovery has taken a left turn & the end is nowhere to be seen!

At the end of 2017 I wrote about how things have been with my legs & lifestyle changes (End of 2017 & looks like I have more lifestyle changes to come in 2018), well unfortunately not everything has gone to plan as nothing has changed with work/life balance & legs continue to get worse & back onto my stick & unfortunately it has also had a knock on effect in everything else in my life especially cycling.

So at the end of 2018, I finally got to have my long awaited MRI scan after Christmas & in January I got a letter a week after the scan & it was an eye opener & scary too.

A bit of a shock is an understatement, I sure hell did not expect this to be honest. Just expected the same as what was said 30yrs ago with my left leg.

Well I went to see the specialist today, what I was shown has simply put my life in a spin!

Firstly I was shown these images taken from the MRI scan which I took photos of & highlighted the spinal cord.

As you can see the spinal cord has been severely compressed & likely has been for many years. As for the cause, well it turns out to be a shit storm of reasons! Firstly I have narrow channels for the nerves to feed from the spinal cord, thick bone structure but what I was not expecting to be told was the spinal cord is being pressed by the hip socket due to onset of osteoarthritis.

So the prognosis is simple, leave it be & eventually I will loose the use of my legs & possibly more in that area from the waist down as already having symptoms it is not just the legs being affected. Or as highly recommended have an operation to decompress the spinal cord. This will help relieve the pressure on the cord but as made quite clear, it will not undo any damage already been done & could actually do some damage during the procedure. There are risks like all operations but to be honest other than death there is nothing that won't happen anyway if I don't do anything about it.

So within the next 4 to 6 months time I will be having the operation & honestly it is freaking me out a bit but there is not really any other choice. But it's after the operation that's gonna be the test for me, the 2 days in hospital I am fine with, as well as having someone look after me at home for 1-2 weeks. It's the time I have to take off work that is gonna be difficult, I have been told I am to stay off work & take it easy for around 3 months & that includes no cycling & after that period I need to return to work gradually & same goes with cycling.

I have been told after the operation, don't expect the legs to improve, maybe slightly worse but should not be in pain any more. With this & now know I have osteoarthritis, it is clear I will likely not be stick free anymore, tho make a damn good try in being stick free. What it does mean is I have now a constant battle to keep walking & cycling & no end in sight to win this battle.

Make me quite glad I finally got my Wet Room when finished this week as gonna need it but I do know now, the new eBike is needed more than ever!!

End of 2017 & looks like I have more lifestyle changes to come in 2018

25yrs ago this very month I had an operation that had changed my life for good & I became disabled. The operation was to fix a problem with my left leg & had a 50:50 chance of working so I took the chance. It did not pay off & my life changed in ways I couldn't imagine & for the first 5yrs it was a dark period in my life fueled with pain & high levels of painkillers, but I pushed on & I would not let it beat me & at times it was close to doing so. I had lost so much in loosing the simple task of being active, walk & cycle.

So when I had the chance to walk stick free again after an operation in 2008 & got to a level 5yrs ago, I took it but it is a constant battle.

Unfortunately the years of inactivity as well as the right leg now following the same path as my left leg did 30yrs ago means walking stick free is getting more difficult & have already made changes to my lifestyle to not aggravate them & that includes cycling.

 

But as time goes on & I get older too, so does the condition keep changing & I have to try keep ahead of it as I have done for the past 3 decades. But today I got a letter to pass onto the Buss Pass Dept as evidence of my conditions & reading it has hit home to me as it is in black & white in writing & was not expecting it as was just expecting proof of my disability.

It has hit home & to be honest I have to face reality considering this week I am back on my stick due to my knee giving grief for not following the lifestyle rules at the weekend I had set & aggravated it. But don't worry I am not gonna give up on this, not in my nature but in the new year I need to think long & hard on changes to help improve my condition & I am already have the new ebike building project started with the purchase of the new bike to build into the new ebike.

But for now I am going to enjoy Christmas, spoil my lil Ellie & gonna enjoy plenty of Jack Daniels during the festive period. For 2018 is going to be a new year, new plans & ideas & plenty more to do to get the home, work & transportation made better for my disability...

Until then have a great Christmas & bloody well enjoy it!!! I sure am!!!

Pain, pain is not my friend...

For more than 1/2 of my life pain has lived with me but pain isn't my friend. It wakes me in the middle of the night when it feels like it, it drains me when I have to fight it, creeps up on me when I think I'm doing okay, tries to control me when I want to have a normal life.

 

But pain isn't my enemy, it doesn't control me, it fuels me, it's makes me fight, it gives me the fire to push the boundaries & determination to battle on.

People can see pain as a bad thing, I see pain like a companion that annoys & angers me but also encourages me to push harder, to beat it at its game. Pain has changed my life in ways I would never thought possible, changed me in ways as years gone on & will continue to do so for the rest of my life.

But pain has made me a better person, a better understanding of others around me. Pain is not my friend but it won't destroy me & no matter how tired it makes me, it will make me stronger the more it pushes me & hand me more challenges to overcome.