Wednesday, 8 January 2014

Irrational fears...

What is Irrational fears?
Here's one description of it, Some anxiety isn't generalized at all; on the contrary, it's attached to a specific situation or thing—like flying, animals, or crowds. If the fear becomes overwhelming, disruptive, and way out of proportion to the actual risk involved, it's a tell-tale sign of phobia, a type of anxiety disorder.
Although phobias can be crippling, they're not obvious at all times. In fact, they may not surface until you confront a specific situation and discover you're incapable of overcoming your fear. "A person who's afraid of snakes can go for years without having a problem," Winston says. "But then suddenly their kid wants to go camping, and they realize they need treatment."

Well yesterday I had an experience I just couldn't explain. Due to my leg & various other conditions & injures over the decades I have had many tests done. And for the past 25 or so years I have have countless no. of MRI scans. You know, the one you're slid into a tube & have loud clicking noises all around you. Well in the past I have had moans from the technicians for snoring as I find I just doze off.

So yesterday, I went for a routine blood test & MRI scan. Everything was fine, done all of this before tho coz they were running late & I had waited hours I was getting hungry. I got called into the changing area to remove all metallic items possible & lock them away, then went into the MRI room & still everything was fine. Technician asked the usual questions & I joked about how often I have been in one of these etc...

So up I climbed onto the scanning bed, techs got me into position on my back & strapped my arm down then strapped me down & I was feeling a bit uneasy. Slid me into the machine & BAM! I was shouting out to get me out! I really was not comfortable being in the machine, I just wanted to get out & not get back in! Daft as it was, for some unknown reason I just couldn't face being in that machine.

So as a result, techs had to reposition me face down in what they called the Superman position. Arm being scanned held above me & other by my side & this was uncomfortable. So in I went to be scanned & still I did not feel happy being in there, on top of that I had to endure 30 - 40 mins of scans & every bit of it was putting my arm in pain. And the pain increased as time went on, I had to hold the arm still & this just increased the pain.

So after the first scan, they pulled me out & told me to hold still as going to inject me with image enhancement fluid for next set of scans which was going to be another 20 mins. I just pulled myself upright with my good arm & said not a chance! I was not going to be able to go back in with how I was feeling or the level of pain I was in & was a level I haven't had in a very long time. So we left it at that & hopefully that will do, I sure hope it will. 

I went into the changing room to get my stuff & I just burst into tears. Now I aint one to be rattled easily, sure aint one to suffer irrational fears but for some reason but at that moment on that day in that place I suffered 'Irrational fear' & I have never felt anything like that ever & hopefully never will again! I didn't know what triggered it that day, the only thing I can think of is that I was hungry & that upset chemical balance in me. Well I sure hope it was! But I know this wont be my last scan & hopefully I can put this behind me & have the scans like I had before, I might suggest a different machine to help me on that.

I must say tho, the staff were great. I was so embarrassed, felt guilty of the NHS money I've wasted if this all has been for nothing. But I just couldn't control whatever had caused it, sure don't want to dwell on it & just want to put it down as a one off.

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