I was having a good day today, cold finally gone, aches receding a bit now the cold has gone. etc, etc, etc..........
Then someone I know emails me a section of a Blog. Supposedly from my ex-wife Blog page. So I read it, didn't like what I read so went to her website & yup there it is! No I'm fuming! So here is the bit I'm fuming about!"It is hard to explain, even to myself I guess, why it is different this time - why I can say this love feels stronger then others that have gone before. I do not deny I loved the others - but if I am honest, I think I was in love with the idea of being in love with them, more then I was in love with the person involved - maybe THAT is the difference this time, I have given myself time to get to know him a little first. There is still much for us both to learn, but there is plenty of time for that, all I know is there is a connection there, something that was lacking before has been satated, the hunger in my heart. There is more to this story, but for now, that is all you get - be patient, as I have to, the rest will come in time."
Now if you don't know why, well simply put it's this bit "but if I am honest, I think I was in love with the idea of being in love with them, more then I was in love with the person involved", I can't believe she said that!! We got married, I gave her everything & I'm still paying off the f'ing debts from it all! Now if that's how she felt, why the f**k did she marry me in the first frigging place? Now it mean all my heartache & loss of her leaving me for another was all for nothing!!! We never rushed things; we were together for near on 3 yrs before the Wedding! She had plenty of time to stop things moving on if she felt that way!
Well now I know how she feels, the gloves are off now. God help her if she tries to contact me because I feel nothing for her anymore! And she will get all the anger I had held back over the yrs. So if anyone who reads this knows the both of us, just tell to stay out of my life!!! She has broken too many promises & told too many lies for me to care anymore, for now I will not honour the promises I made to her all those yrs ago for the way she has been to me!
I am so tempted to phone her & call her every name under the sun, but I wont sink to her level! I could do alot of damage to her but wont, I just want shot of her & enjoy my life with what I have now!
So now I am watching DVD's & drinking Mulled Wine, half of which is now gone! Trying to calm down! She is no more a part of my life! I am happily looking to a better future & now my past is my past! No more ghosts to haunt me!
It is the New Year for me & so much has changed already before it, now I'm spring cleaning my life so it's ready for what's ahead! She has hurt me for the last time! Now it's time for me to work out where my life is now! For the way things are, it sure isn't here in Farnham!
So here's to the new future! New Life! New near on everything I guess! I'll wake up in the morning regretting my actions tonight with the Mulled wine, but not anything else!
So here's to 2007, a new beginning!
