An explanation as to why I do the job I'm in, despite my disability.

Over the years & again over past few days since Friday's social media posts on my disability, I've been asked why I do the job I'm in & how can I do the job or how can I spend all day on the tills & why don't I find a better job.

When I got my job after such a long time out of work, I was more able to walk better & in fact my disability wasn't as bad & even for a short while I could walk stick free, cycle for miles with no pedal assist & even worked almost full time & worked in various roles with minimum restrictions due to disability. And I even lost weight & really felt good within myself. 

But alas it was short-lived, from 2015/6 my disability changed & slowly started degrading, so of course did my hours in my job & ability to work. And back in 2019 my disability was at its worse as I was about to have the spinal cord operation & lengthy recovery that took longer thanks to the pandemic preventing the support I needed. 

So, when I did eventually return to work, it wasn't easy & honestly I made it clear I'd rather be out of a job than make my disability worse. Something I'd rather not do as last time I was out of work due to disability & bone cyst in my left femur, I was out of work for near on 10yrs thanks to discriminative behaviour of companies & zero support from the government. Thankfully my employers listened & made the changes. 

And for past 3+yrs it's been alright working despite a few hiccups not relating to the disability but affected it. Lately tho with the much-needed move to a ground floor flat & recent unexpected changes at work, the disability hasn't liked it. When it's one thing, I could just cope with the disability but being both I can't & I'm doing all I can to stop my disability from getting as bad as 2019.

As for mentions of I should find another job, easier said than done I'm afraid. Ask anyone with a disability, it's never easy & was a miracle I got the job I'm in now. I have loads of knowledge I can use but no suitable qualifications or recent experience to get a job suitable for my disability. I know coz I had tried back in 2018/9. And I do not want to be back out of work as likely be out of work until I'm at retirement age. 

At same time I am my own worst enemy, I don't like seeking help & like to do things myself. It's not a flaw, it's just how I am after 30+yrs with a disability. It's how I push myself too, to get thru life & not give up & let the disability take over every part of my life. This means others easily forget I do need support, even if I don't ask & eventually had to remind others of this on Friday & to be honest, they do listen. But there's things that are out of people's control at work & is being dealt with & they know if no improvements will make things worse for me & they do understand. It just takes time to sort out & hopefully my disability will be OK by then. 

Yes, I would love a job more suitable for my disability that I could work full time & get off financial support from benefits. But I have not seen or heard of this ideal job. It may never exist but for now the job I'm in is a good job, I may grumble about it from time to time but as I've said before 'I wouldn't be in a job I didn't like' as I proved before many, many years ago. 

That's it really, hope you now have a better understanding why I'm in the job I'm in. It's not perfect but far better than the alternative options right now. 

End of a rollercoaster year 2019

Well it is now almost the end of the year as I start writing this & what an emotional rollercoaster year it has been.

As we came into 2019 I already knew it wasn't going to be a good start to the year with Ellie having a terminal cancer & recently discovered my problems were to do with my spine & thus will need a major operation to stop me going into a wheelchair (The road to recovery has taken a left turn & the end is nowhere to be seen!) & I found out more about it later this year.

Well in March I had my bathroom converted to a Wetroom which didn't go as planned, took twice as long to do & had to be redone months later.

 

But it did give me a month at home for the work to be done & spend the last month with Ellie who passed away from the cancer at the end of March.

  

 

 

 

And thus the end of my family I have had for over 20yrs & the flat was empty, cold & no longer felt like a home anymore.

And a month later I decided I couldn't have this, I didn't like how the flat felt so I decided to foster whilst I wait to go into Hospital. I tried contacting a few cat rescues & didn't get anywhere but I gave it one more go with one recommended to me & it turned out 2 female cats were in need of a roof over their heads like yesterday. So next day I had 2 scared lil girls Peas & Midnight come to my home but soon settled as they found they liked the place.

 

 

But this decision turned out to be one that has changed my life, for a few weeks after they came here I noticed they were both pregnant!! And I did the decent thing, I gave them a safe, secure home that will help with their pregnancy & on the early hours of 1st of June I was requested by Midnight to go with her to the bedroom where she (with my assistance) gave birth to 3 lovely lil girls & later that morning Peas gave birth to 1 kitten & I got no sleep. For the next few months with the assistance of WLF cat rescue I was fostering for, I helped the 2 mums to raise 4 adorable kittens. An experience I never knew I would ever have & will never forget!

 

 

But alas as the kittens grew up I knew I couldn't keep them & the mums & 2 of the Kittens of Chaos had to go to new homes.

 

And in August I had to say goodbye to Bear & Cinnamon.

Then Peas & Midnight in September.

 

It was hard to do but I am not allowed more than 2 pets permanently so I had to let them go as much as it pained me to. And as I have already fell in love with the other 2, the ginger one (Teddy) & the last dark Tortie (lil Minx. coz she is one).

 

Also in Sept I finally got the spine operation & it went well & was out of hospital after 2 days & not the 3 weeks I was told to expect, which is good as WLF were looking after my 2 lil girls as well as the mums whilst I was in hospital.

 

 

And even tho I didn't plan to have the lil ones or any more cats until I was fully recovered, I was glad to have them here to keep me occupied during recovery as I was housebound for a few weeks & not able to get out much when I could. Tho I didn't keep idle, I went to a Wheels for All event which was the first of many (I hope). I couldn't cycle any of the cycles but I did have fun sitting on a few to see what they were like.

 

And in December, there was another Wheels for All where I could try out the cycles & was a blast! 

 

And back in October the ebike conversion kit arrived after months of waiting & I gradually built my Cruiser into an eBike to help me back to cycling with my recovery & disability.

 

 

 

 

Which I got to test out with help just a few weeks back.

 

And the end of a Decade...

And as everyone seems to be going on about the past 10yrs, well it's been an interesting tho not how I would have expected the past 10yrs to have gone. I moved out of Surrey to Essex & then moved again in Essex for a partner which didn't work out in the end, but no regrets in giving it a go for it would have failed had I not moved & I have had experiences which I would not have had if I had not moved to Essex & have learnt so much from them. 

Also got back into cycling, which has changed my way of life more than I thought it would & most of that is down to living in Essex. Now am a campaigner for better cycling infrastructure, disabled cycling & better infrastructure for all who aren't driving which is fueled by being disabled & see issues for all who are not driving. 

Still been on the goal to be fully able-bodied but now know this is never ever going to happen & have adapted my life to work with it better & finally got back into work after many years of trying & being fobbed off due to my disability.

I haven't changed too much, still have hair, still chubby & still a pain in the arse to those who annoy me. 😄 Have got a lot more white in the hair, mostly in the beard & have gained 3 tattoos are the most changes I can think of.

And now it is the New Year as I finish this blog, it's been an emotional one, plenty of tears shed, lots of laughter & joy & loads of pain & anguish has filled the year. As for 2020, well for me the main thing I be focusing on is improving my health, get back to cycling & try improve it even more than I have & most of all get myself back to working again as being stuck at home is great at first but when you can't do anything much, the appeal wears out pretty soon.

So I will raise a glass to a new start & changes for the better for the new year! Happy New Year!!